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Shout out to shake shack for having a better marketing campaign then my school
No, ma’am, I did not help you last Monday. No, I did not put books on the hold shelf for you. Yes, I would remember you, because you are one of the rudest patrons. No, last Monday is not “just a few days ago.”
"not everything has to be gay" wrong
i need a hug right now also nine hundred thousand dollars in cash
Date idea: buy me a bunch of Girl Scout cookies and watch me eat them all
once when i was little, i claimed it was a teacher’s work day so i wouldn’t have to go to school and mom’s not an idiot so of course it didn’t work, but when we got to the school, we found it was a teacher’s work day and that made me think i had super powers so i started trying to kill classmates with my mind to confirm the theory
You thought you had super powers so you immediately attempted to murder everyone
go big or go home
brandon flowers can get it tbh
This has been Lori Beth Denberg with vital information for your everyday life
If you ever think the universe is against you, know that you are not the guy who tried to get this sprite
Someone left their dr scholl’s inserts underneath a table at my work.
There was an insert on the playground at my preschool on Friday. Maybe it’s an international conspiracy?